Time and Dirt
(First Day -- Previous Day -- Day 18 -- Next Day)
Day 18
Heliopause Colony on Planet Vertumna, Medbay
“Solane... please, are you still here?
...
Oh, thankfully you are. I can hear your heartbeat. I didn’t see you open your eyes, but maybe I just missed it this time.
Today was just so much. I had another fight at the council over ... I honestly don’t even want to talk about it.
But... just like, Governor Lum talked about his new ‘vision’ for the colony, and how he wants to change geoponics, school and everything else to match it. He said he’ll go over the details the next few days, but it will ensure that ‘humans will truly become the first two-planet species’ and like, aren’t we already?
I asked him to explain, but was drowned out by the other council members clapping. I... felt this knot in my stomach telling me I don’t belong here, this is not the colony I grew up in... but then I realized no one at the table seemed to actually be excited about it at all. Everyone had very strained smiles and very nervous or even pained looks. So it was more like some polite applause you give to someone you don’t want to upset. But seeing Auntie Seedent so uncomfortable, someone who has always been so sweet with all of us, looked after us when we were small and our parents where busy, still cooks everyday for the whole colony and is loving to everyone she meets... it upset me so much that I loudly accused the governor of not caring, or even *knowing* what is going on in the colony, that we can’t deal with so many abrupt changes at such a difficult moment.
Only to be immediately reprimanded by Chief Administrator Seeq for my ‘insolence’ and that I should know ‘my place’ and it just churned my stomach. I thought they had had their eye on Doctor Instance, but maybe they finally got the hint that their feelings weren’t exactly reciprocated and were now trying to impress Governor Lum. Or maybe they just hope to get closer to power... Ew. I tried to not be subdued but there was no point in the end because the adults all just threw me stern or sad looks and ... I know I have said this before, but I just feel so alone there, and I don’t even know why.
And then when I tried to talk to Marz or Nomi-Nomi about this I just get stares, too. Marz would just say something about me not getting how politics and things in administration work and I must have said something really awkwardly because she gave me a really weird look and didn’t say anything more. I felt so embarrassed... But like, just because she *does* work in administration doesn’t mean only she can be right! Like, she’s never even attended a council meeting. Ugh... Sorry, I should let it be now.
Nomi-Nomi then just quietly asked if we can talk about something else, that they’re worried we might get the attention of some of the soldiers of Governor Lum and they don’t want to ... upset them? I really wanted to tell her we can’t just all live in fear, but I didn’t want to make her even more anxious.
They invited me and Marz to watch some holovideo series, and I actually really wanted to say yes, but I had so much to do and on my mind I was worried I would snap at some point and make things worse.
So I went to geoponics to help with weeding as long as it’s not raining, removing more of the increasingly waterlogged fungal weeds and ... still more taraxacum. It’s so muddy at the fields now already it’s slowing us down a lot and making every step kinda difficult. You remember how it is, right? Every step makes you sink a bit into the soft soil, now with a much darker purple hue, and you risk losing your boots, falling over and turning into a mud monster if you aren’t being careful.
Honestly, though, it can be kind of nice, too, though. The mud might be heavy with all the water in it and so transporting it is slow and exhausting, and cleaning it off your clothes later on even more so... but it’s also fun to touch and feel, pressing it together, letting it ooze through between your fingers.
But today I just couldn’t find any peace. I kept looking over to the garrison down the path, and the soldiers gathering and training there, wielding plasma rifles and who knows what else, wondering where they are going, and whether they would be going to us and trouble us again. Even when I tried to look away, the near-constant shouting was impossible to overhear. It made me want to cry. All the things we are losing now, or already lost. Will we ever get them back?
...
Will I ever get you back?”